A gentler way to retrain the mind, steady the nerves and notice what is already working
When I’m coaching, I often hear the term “overthinking” – it’s as though it can only mean one thing: replaying the mistake, revisiting the awkward moment and imagining everything that could go wrong. But what if we deliberately turned that same mental energy towards the good stuff? What if we lingered over what went well, what we learned, how we coped and the moments when we were more capable than we had expected?
Overthinking the good stuff is not pretending that life is perfect. It is choosing to give positive evidence more than a fleeting glance. It is a new approach to life: allowing success, connection, courage and progress to occupy some of the mental space that mistakes have claimed for far too long.
Two kinds of replay
When we repeatedly analyse mistakes and errors, the mind can turn one event into a verdict: “I got that wrong” becomes “I always get things wrong.” We scan for threat, tighten our expectations and sometimes become hesitant about trying again. Useful reflection asks, “What can I learn?”
When we thoughtfully revisit the good stuff, we build a more accurate understanding of ourselves. We notice strengths we can use again, remember the people and practices that supported us, and turn a lucky-feeling moment into repeatable learning. Rather than feeding self-criticism, we strengthen self-trust. Rather than rehearsing failure, we rehearse possibility.
- What went better than I expected?
- What did I do that helped?
- Which personal quality showed up?
- Who or what supported me?
- What will I carry into the next challenge?
My first Business Meeting as President
This week I chaired my first Business Meeting for Hereford Elgar Rotary Club as President. I was nervous. There is a particular weight to doing something for the first time when you care about the people in the room and want to serve them well. My mind was trying to draft a catalogue of possible errors before the meeting had even begun.
But, I used humour to lighten the mood. I engaged with members and those that came along to see if they’d like to join us (fingers crossed) which made the meeting feel like a shared conversation rather than a performance. Being myself helped me stop chasing an impossible version of the “perfect President” and focus on chairing the meeting in a way that was clear, human and genuine.
The meeting was chaired successfully – positive feedback from various sources, accepted with a smile. If I had overthought where I'd stumbled or forgotten something I would have overlooked the more useful truth: I was nervous and I led. I used connection rather than concealment. I adapted. I created a lighter atmosphere. Those are not incidental details; they are evidence I can use next time.
A grounding breath I could have used
Alongside humour, engagement and authenticity, I could also have grounded myself through the breath. One option is the four-part Sukha Purvaka Pranayama practice. Sit comfortably, soften the shoulders and breathe gently in and out through the nose throughout. The count is a guide, not a test.
- Establish the rhythm: breathe in for a count of 6 and breathe out for a count of 6. Repeat 4 times.
- Add an inward pause: breathe in for 6, hold the breath in for 6, then breathe out for 6. Repeat 4 times.
- Add an outward pause: breathe in for 6, breathe out for 6, then hold the breath out for 6. Repeat 4 times.
- Complete the four-part cycle: breathe in for 6, hold in for 6, breathe out for 6, then hold out for 6. Repeat 4 times.
Practise gently: never strain or force a breath hold. If a six count is uncomfortable, shorten the count or return to easy, natural breathing. Stop if you feel dizzy or unwell.
Grounding and positive overthinking can work together: one brings us back to the present; the other reminds us that we already have useful evidence from the past.
What I have seen in high-pressure careers
Through coaching and mentoring law firm Associates and Partners, GP and hospital / pre-hospital Registrars, SHOs, dentists and pharmacists, I have seen how readily capable people discount what they do well during stressful periods. Written and practical exams, job interviews, career transitions and first-week (first month….) nerves can make every uncertainty feel important while years of skill, preparation and resilience fade into the background.
In those moments, the aim is not empty reassurance. The objective of coaching for those situations is to help someone recover accurate evidence: the exam they handled well, the interview answer that sounded like them, the difficult conversation they navigated, the first shift they led despite the nerves. I coach and mentor high achievers who allow error to become their identity, who regularly get in their own way rather than reflecting on their strengths and their abilities to repeatedly perform at a level that exceeds good enough.
Your mind is already good at revisiting things. Perhaps it is time to give it something good to revisit.
Challenging the natural negativity bias of the brain with the seven-day “good stuff” experiment
We are wired to survive, looking out for the bad stuff has kept us alive, it’s part of evolution. But it doesn’t help us to survive when we’re so focused on the bad stuff it works against us, ties us up in knots, causes paralysis. We can rewire the brain – think about when you got a new car and suddenly every other car was the same as yours. Or you booked a holiday to Crete and you realised that you're the only person that's never been to Crete. We notice what we look for, we believe what we tell ourselves.
For the next seven days, pause at the end of each day, on your commute home and choose one moment to overthink on purpose—the helpful kind. Spend two minutes revisiting it. Notice what happened, what you contributed and what it reveals about you. When you get home and your partner (or cat) asks how your day went, tell them about your good stuff moment and explain how “This shows me that I can…”. Seriously, this works, and if you really don’t think the cat is interested (because I know they often aren’t), please write it down.
Overthinking the good stuff means staying with a positive experience long enough for it to become part of the story you tell yourself.
Your call to action: if exams, an interview, a career transition, a new leadership role or first-shift / week / month nerves are keeping your mind on a loop, let coaching redirect that thinking towards calm, credible evidence of what you can do, what you are doing. Get in touch to explore coaching or mentoring support tailored to your next challenge.
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